Fantasy
by poppets
Summary: Reality can be somewhat lacking. A series of loosely related one-shots. Warning: Implicit sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Fantasy

Rating: MA

Pairing: Draco/Hermione

Warnings: Implicit sexual situations

Genre: Humour, PWP

Summary: Reality can be somewhat lacking

A/N: A silly idea that came into my head this afternoon. Decided to write it all as dialogue - seemed more entertaining that way.

. . . . .

*Thump*

"Ow!"

"Sorry."

. . . . .

"Shit, Hermione, stop."

"What's wrong?"

"Cramp! Cramp!"

. . . . .

"Dammit, Draco. You keep jabbing me with the knob."

"Umm, isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing?"

"Ugh! Not that knob, the gear knob."

"Haha. Whoops."

. . . . .

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Why can I hear music?"

"I think my foot hit the radio."

"What's a… no, I don't even want to know."

. . . . .

"Oh, god. I'm so close. Harder, Draco!"

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

"What the fuck was that?"

. . . . .

"If you put your leg up there…"

"Ok."

"And I twist like this…"

"Argh."

"Hmm, ok, maybe not."

. . . . .

"Arghhhhh."

"Arghhhhh."

"Finally!"

. . . . .

"Damn stupid muggle inventions. I'm not doing that again."

"Oh, come on. It wasn't that bad."

"Not that bad? I was nearly impaled on that… whatever that thing is."

"It's called the handbrake."

"I don't care what it's called. The point is: no man should ever be in danger of having one rammed up his arse! I don't care if it's one of your favourite fantasies – we're never having sex in a car again."

End.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Fantasy – chapter 2

Rating: MA

Pairing: Draco/Hermione

Warnings: Implicit sexual situations

Genre: Humour, PWP

Summary: The tables have turned

A/N: This was only intended to be one chapter, but after I posted the last part I started wondering what Draco's fantasy might be. I hope you enjoy.

. . . . .

"No."

"You promised."

"I don't care, there is no way I'm doing that."

"I lived up to my end of the bargain and I have the bruises – in some very strange places – to prove it."

"But I don't even think this will be physically possible."

"Don't worry, it'll work. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this."

"Alright, alright, but if you let me fall…"

"Stop worrying. It's going to be fun."

. . . . .

"So, how should I..?"

"Sit on my lap, facing forward."

"Like this?"

"Mmm, perfect. Now, are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

"Here we go."

*Woosh*

"Eeeeeeeeek."

*Crack*

"Ow! My nose!"

"Ow! My head!"

. . . . .

"Alright, why don't we try something different. Hop off. Right, climb back on, but facing me this time."

"Ok."

"Now wrap your legs around my waist."

"Hmm, ok. Give me a second, this could be tricky."

*Thump*

"Hermione, are you ok?"

"Do I look like I'm ok? Just help me up."

"Umm, Hermione, you have leaves on your, ah…"

"You better not be laughing at me, Malfoy."

. . . . .

"Ok, why don't we try that one more time."

"Fine, but if I start to fall again you'd better catch me."

"I promise."

"Oh, my. This feels…"

"Amazing."

"I was going to say perilous, but sue, we'll go with amazing."

. . . . .

"I'm going to take us up now. We'll go nice and slow. I don't want to cop another blow to the nose."

"No, we wouldn't want to risk damaging that pretty face."

"Mock all you want, but I know you lust after my pretty face."

"Draco, stop talking and take us up already."

. . . . .

"You can open your eyes."

"Nuh-uh."

"We're not very high up. Have a look."

"No, I'm fine."

"Well, could you at least lessen your death grip on my shoulders?"

"What?"

"You know I like when you show your passion for me, but the gouges your nails are creating are a little much."

"Oops, sorry."

. . . . .

"I was right. You are enjoying this."

"Umm, not really."

"You can deny it, but you're turned on right now."

"The possibility of crashing to my death doesn't really turn me on."

"Your nipples tell a different story; they are making a firm impression on my chest."

"What my nipples are actually telling you right now is that being buck naked 100 feet up in the air in the middle of the night is bloody freezing."

"Oh, yeah. I never really thought that part of the plan through."

. . . . .

"Hermione, you're going to have to help me out here."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my hands are a little occupied making sure we don't plummet back to earth–"

"Thank you so much for phrasing it like that."

"You're going to have to do a lot of the work."

"Fine, fine. Let me figure this out. Umm, how about if I try this."

"Oomph."

"Hmm, maybe not. What if I do this."

"Oh, yeah. That will work."

. . . . .

"Shit!"

"What?"

"Splinter."

"Where?"

"Somewhere I never thought I'd have a splinter, Draco."

. . . . .

"Arghhhh."

"What?"

"We're upside down."

"Oh, crap."

"How did you not notice that?"

"I was a little distracted."

"No wonder Harry always beat you to the snitch."

"Grrrr."

. . . . .

"Trees!"

"Fuck. Hold on."

"Aah."

"Ok. We're ok."

*Whack*

"What was that for?"

"You promised we'd be stationary."

"I thought movement might add a bit of excitement."

"Smacking naked into a tree is your idea of excitement?"

. . . . .

"Gah! Hermione, why did you stop? I'm so close."

"Sorry, Draco, but my thighs are burning. I knew I shouldn't have stopped going to pilates."

"Push through the pain. I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be brave and never give up."

"I don't think I can."

"The faster you move, the sooner we're back on the gro– oomph! That's my girl."

. . . . .

'Thank, Merlin. Back on solid ground."

"Admit it, you had fun."

"About as much fun as you had in the car."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Why don't we make a deal – I'll never ask for car sex as long as you don't try to get me to have sex on a broom again."

"Agreed. I've got plenty of other fantasies we can try."

End.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Fantasy – Chapter 3

Rating: MA

Pairing: Draco/Hermione

Warnings: Sexual situations

Genre: Humour, PWP

Summary: Teenage dreams

**A/N: I think I'm going to take the 'Completed' status off this fic as I keep getting attacked by plot bunnies. This one came to me after reading my lovely reviews and seeing how much people were enjoying what I've written. Special shout out to Colubrina – your reviews make me grin!**

**A/N 2: If you've got any ideas for fantasies you think Draco and Hermione should try, let me know and I'll see if they spark a plot bunny.**

. . . . .

"Wow."

"Is this what you imagined?"

"You look like every one of my teenage wet dreams come to life. Come here."

*Click*

"Is this what you were thinking about when you used to stare at me in class?"

*Click*

"You wouldn't believe the amount of time I spent daydreaming about this scenario: you, bent over Snape's desk–"

*Click*

"Kinky."

*Click*

"Or spread out on a table in the Great Hall for me to feast on."

"Mmm."

*Click*

"Or draped across my bed in the Slytherin dungeon."

*Click*

"Draco, you've got me so turned on. Fuck me."

*Click*

"Whoa!"

*Thump*

"Oh, Merlin. Are you ok, Hermione?"

"These damn stilettos got caught in all this fabric."

. . . . .

"Bend over the table."

*Whoosh*

"Umm, Draco."

"Merlin, Hermione, you're so damn sexy."

"Draco!"

"What?"

"You flipped all the fabric over my head and now everything's gone dark."

"Oh, sorry."

. . . . .

*Rustle*

"Here, hold this bit."

*Rustle*

"And this bit."

*Rustle*

"And thi–"

"Draco, I've run out of hands."

"Hmm. Ok, how about you put your arm out like this and we throw this bit over here. Then we could do the same with the other arm. Perfect!"

"Draco, I look like a slutty scarecrow in the midst of a major wardrobe malfunction."

"But a sexy scarecrow."

"So the wrong answer."

"Aww, you didn't have to cover up my toy."

. . . . .

"Mmf."

"No, don't stop!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm suffocating under here. Can you please remember to keep the fabric out of the way?"

"I promise. Now please put that wicked tongue of yours back to work."

"Damn, you're bossy."

"Oh, yes!"

*Whoosh*

"Mmf. Hermione!"

. . . . .

"Uhh, I don't like to ask this, but are you in? It's just that you seem to be doing a lot of thrusting and I can't feel anything."

"Of course I'm not in! Have you ever not been able to feel me before?"

"Then what are you doing?"

"This damn fabric is so slippery that I can't get any traction. Every time I move, you slide further away."

"Hahaha."

"This is not funny, Hermione."

"Yeah, it kind of is."

. . . . .

"Lift your hips up for me and I'll slide some of this material out of the way."

"Arghh."

"What's wrong?"

"The floor is cold on my bottom."

. . . . .

"Aah. That was amazing; trickier than I imagined, but we got there in the end."

"Not bad, Draco."

"So, do you think we could move this fantasy into the 'to be repeated' list?"

"I think so."

"Score one for Draco."

"On one condition."

"Anything."

"Next time, you're the one wearing your old school robes."

"Really?"

"Hey, I had fantasies of my own back at Hogwarts. You wearing nothing but your school robe, hard cock parting the fabric, and a smug look on your face."

"Kinky. I knew I loved you for a reason. I'm in."

"Great. Although I am a little concerned."

"About?"

"Finding a pair of stilettos in your size."

"What?!"

End.


End file.
